As can be expected I’ve spent a lot of time researching suicide and suicide prevention. The approach I took that day came from what I knew. I knew what questions were asked of patients in a Drs office to figure out if they are suicidal. I knew what answers prompted help to be called in and what answers allowed people to walk out. In some ways I think my professional side overruled my parental side on 9/15/15.
To explain this I’ve got to give a little history. I’ve worked in the business side of a clinical/facility setting for almost 15 years. In this time for billing and follow up purposes I’ve had to read progress notes about everything you can imagine. From cancer patients dying, children that have been abused, parents who are dealing with the death of their child to druggies suffering from indescribable diseases. I think it hardens you a little. I’m surrounded by people who act logically and are professionally trained to not panic. I think I usually am calm when faced with emergency situations. From when Jimmie and I got flagged down in the Mountains around Mena to help with a 4 wheeler accident. I had to ride out alone to get cell reception, make the call and then give directions on mountain ATV trails to get emergency responders there. I was calm and focused. When Tyler busted his head open on the couch spring and was bleeding profusely from his forehead. Grab a washrag, clamp it to the forehead, head to the ER. Tyler having severe asthma attacks as a baby. I had to decide is this something we can handle with breathing treatments, or a steamy shower or maybe sitting on the porch in the cool night air or the night I ended up driving to Mercy alone with him and ending up in the trauma room in the ER due to the severity. You just handle it. Panic doesn’t help.
I got a phone call that morning from Kaleb’s friend’s dad. He told me Kaleb had confided in his son that he had a plan to hurt himself. He said he felt he needed to let me know this. So I went to Kalebs room and talked to him. He had a car accident a couple of weeks before. He was having to pay us back and was grounded. In my mind I figured he was mad at us and he had said those things in anger. So I asked him about it. He assured me no, he’d just been upset. He asked me to pick up his dry cleaning because he had to wear his uniform on Thursday. He asked if his girlfriend could come over that Thursday and asked if he could have $20 out of his paycheck that I was cashing that day. He had plans, he was talking About the future. I had no doubt that he would be fine that day. This is where I let my professional/logical side rule over my emotional/parental side.
Knowing what I’ve learned the last 4 months I’d have never walked out of the house that day. I wouldn’t have gone to work and sent him on to school. We’d have taken a “mental health” day. I’d have stayed with him and figured out what kind of help he needed. My goal is to make sure other parents who have never dealt with suicide never have to. I want them to know what to do if they ever get a phone call warning them, or if their child ever tells them they are contemplating suicide. Would it have made a difference? We’ll never know. Might it have bought me a little more time with my son, probably. At least another day. In my research I’ve learned about different types of people who think about or talk about suicide. Some just do it for attention, some just need help to get through the tough times and there are others that it doesn’t matter what help they get it won’t be enough.
If someone tells you they are contemplating suicide, or if your child confides in someone and it makes it back to you STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND GET THEM HELP. Nothing is more important than your family. Life doesn’t give you do overs.
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