106 Days

My wedding attire is purchased.  It’s 106 days away.  It’s starting to get real.  We’ve seen the engagement photos.   There is an official wedding website that they have created up and working.   They being Stephanie I’m sure.  It’s amazing the new things that have came about by using social media.  There is a website that you can create your own “wedding” website.  It has all the details about your wedding. Photos you want to post.  Your registries can be tied to it.  Your wedding party can be listed. Your guests can even RSVP on the website.  Coolest thing ever.

It’s official, there is a date, there’s a time, there’s a venue, there’s a wedding party, Tyler has picked his outfit.  They are getting married.  We will have a daughter-in-law.  Now for me to work on being a good Mother-in-law.  I have probably the best mother-in-law in the world and hopefully I can use our relationship to learn from.  I’ve mentioned before that I don’t get close to a lot of people.  Tyler and Stephanie have been together so long that she really does seem like a part of the family.  She’s been there through good times and through the worst time of our life.  And she is great with Tyler.   We already consider her a part of the family.  This just makes it official.  So that step is behind us.  We are already close to her and look forward to welcoming her with open arms into our wild and crazy family.  Now I must just work on becoming someone who can offer advise if asked for but learn to keep my nose out when it’s not needed.  And to learn to work with them to help them build a strong marriage.

I’m absolutely positive that there will be tears on the big day.  Some other people might cry, but I KNOW I WILL cry.  It will be a blessing to be welcoming Stephanie into our family, and to be seeing Tyler start his journey into beginning his own family, but it will also be a little hard because there will be the thoughts of what we’ll never see.  I’m positive no matter how hard we try to only concentrate on the positives and the excitement on that day there will be a little spot in my mind that will be sad (maybe that is the correct adjective).  I pray everyday that they will be able to enjoy everything about their day and not let sadness be a part of their day.  And it’s not so much sadness as it is a new first.  This year is full of them.  And as each one passes it’s one more thing we’ve made it through.  Making it through the first hours was hard, the first day, first week, first month, first holiday we’re slowly marking them off the list.  There aren’t many family events as big as your child getting married.  It will bring a lot of people together some of whom we haven’t seen  since losing Kaleb.  I hope everyone is able to concentrate on the importance of the day for Tyler and Stephanie.  We will all remember Kaleb on that day, but it’s their day.

When I was struggling with one of the boys graduating a wise friend told me.  ”you just have to remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them.  It’s their day”  Same can be applied here.  It’s their day.  So I’m going to concentrate on the positives.  My stress level might be a little lower.   I don’t have to stress about a “toast” coming out of Kaleb’s mouth (and if you laughed at that statement you know why).  I’m positive he’d have put some serious thought into it and he’d have come up with a good one that would have a lot of people laughing and some blushing I’m sure.  He won’t be there to “pose” for all the cameras, or to photobomb the pictures.  So while my stress level might be a little lower, those things that stressed me out are also what made Kaleb who he was.   I also think every parent (at least I have) dreamed about seeing their kids get married and starting their own lives.  I figure it will really hit home that day that it’s not going to happen for one of our kids.  The future wasn’t meant to be.  So remaining focused on what the day is really about is going to be hard no matter how much we want that to happen.  My goal for that day is to focus on Tyler and Stephanie.  Take as many pictures as possible before and after to document the day (if it’s ok with the kids) and also try to remember the happy times, and we’ll be able to mark one more first off the list.  Usually we make it through one first at a time but this will be a dual first.  Our first child getting married and the first child’s wedding since Kaleb has been gone.