Graduation time

Listening to K-Love the other day while driving around and one of the DJs was talking about having a high school senior and it seemed like just yesterday they were picking out his name in the hospital.  Imagining his name written in glitter on a piece of paper in kindergarten.  Picturing how the name would look on his High School Graduation Announcement.  She'd came home from work earlier that week and he'd shown her his announcements that had came in the mail.  She'd broke down crying and hugging him trying to explain why it was so special to her to see them.  I understand completely how that time feels.  I've been through it twice before.  But now I understand how it feels to never get to see it.  To anticipate the moment and never see it happen.  Like so many other things that will never happen.

We had our first graduation announcement come in the mail.  And I'm excited to see it and thankful that people aren't afraid to send them to us.  I'm still proud of these kids that have worked so hard to get to this point in their life.  They're each about to head off into adulthood.  Each one with a different plan set in place.  On the flip side, even though I knew that's what was in the envelope, it still brought so many emotions.  I was ok at first.  It was nice to see what the announcements looked like this year.  But when I opened it completely and saw the little card inside with the students name on it I broke.  I'll never see his name in a graduation announcement.  It will never be written across that diploma.  They'll never call it during commencement.  I know those things.  I've accepted those things, but sometimes it's hard to explain that to my tears and my heart.

I saw a Facebook post this week from one of Kaleb's friends who was working a project semicolon booth (if you don't know what this is you can google it or there are project semicolon groups on facebook) at the high school for suicide awareness.  I know people have not forgotten Kaleb.  I know he made an impact on a lot of people's lives prior to his death.  There are differences being made everyday to try and help people.   I'm trying so hard to be the positive person.  I am proud of the Seniors of 2016.  Seeing pictures of the Military Ball this last weekend brought back so many memories.  His date from last year posted a pic collage of her last year with Kaleb and her with her date from this year showing the 2 pictures side by side.  I know how hard that must have been for her to face. I try and remember that this is "their" time.  It's not about us as parents, it's about what these kids have accomplished and what they will accomplish as they move forward into adulthood.

I still dream of our kid's weddings.  I still dream of grandkids.   I still dream of their futures even though they are all grown.  The next 4 weeks are going to be hard as I mark off what should have been the biggest accomplishment we'd been working towards.  Here is the way I pictured his name:

Kaleb Bryant Pearson 

And here is the way I see his name in reality:  

Kaleb B Pearson

Aug 14, 1998 - Sept 15, 2015

Yes there is sadness when I think of what is never to be, but there is also Joy in everything he brought to our lives.  The infectious laughter, the one of a kind personality, his "beautiful" singing voice, the tenacity when he really wanted or believed in something and the endless puns and jokes.  He was our wild child that you never knew what he was thinking.  But I wouldn't have changed him for the world.  He was "Kaleb".  

As you see the prom pictures that are sure to be posted soon, like them, comment on them, make these kids feel special.  You might not have any kids that are at that age.  Yours might all be grown, or they might not be that old yet but bear with the kids and parents that share these special events on social media.  It's a way to record these events to remember each year and you never know what the next year might bring.  I'm so thankful for my daily "memories" on Facebook now.  I never know what's going to pop up the next day.  Some make me laugh, some make me cry, but they all remind me how much Kaleb was loved.  

As you receive those graduation announcements, take some extra time and pick out a special card to send back to them.  Put a personal message in them letting each person know how special they are and what they mean in your life and how proud you are of them.  For these kids, they've worked hard to get here and they need to know they are loved and appreciated.  You never know what daily struggles they might be going through.  A positive word can go so far.  They are at a turning point in their life and positive feedback can mean so much.