Graduation

It’s just around the corner. I was excited for Tyler’s graduation, he was the first. How could I be old enough at 39 to have a kid graduating from high school. Ryan was my sad one. My kitchen helper, mama’s boy, partner in crime was graduating and would be leaving me. Kaleb was my happiest one. We were going to make it. Last May I was driving him to school and as we pulled in the parking lot he said ” think mom, this time next year it will be me graduating” I told him how proud I was of him and how I’d be blowing the air horns. Because up until now I’ve always obeyed the rules. We didn’t save seats, we didn’t use noise makers, we didn’t bring balloons so the people around us couldn’t see. But Kaleb’s was going to be different. He’d worked hard to get to there. And we didn’t have any more kids behind him so it’s not like we could really get in trouble. When it was time to order Ryan’s graduation stuff we decided all 3 boys would wear the same robe. They had their own hats and tassels but they were going to share the robe it’d be a family heirloom.
Now it’s January. A mere 4 months from graduation. I see friends posting ideas on Pinterest and senior pictures. It will be the first Van Buren graduation held at UAFS. We’ll be getting announcements I’m sure. I remember the night we were packing Kaleb’s room up before we moved and I’d been doing pretty good. Kay was there with me. I was taking deep breaths and going from one thing to another. Emptying the closet I came across the graduation robe. It broke me. I’d always told Kaleb one way or another he was graduating high school. I’d drag him kicking and screaming if I had to but he would be a high school graduate. I never had a doubt in my mind we’d make it. I was wrong. Now I have people dragging me sometimes kicking and screaming through life from day to day helping me heal.
So I’ve got a graduation hat and instead of him wearing it in May and walking across that stage it will be setting with a spray made around it on top of his headstone. I will still celebrate all the work he put into making it through school. I will celebrate all the hurdles he overcame from year to year. While he never got his diploma, he had great friends, he was wise beyond his years And he beat us all to Heaven. People can argue that point with me but God takes care of the sick. So I have no doubt he took care of Kaleb when he lost his battle. So as May approaches I’m going to look forward to seeing all his friends and my friends kids graduating. I’m going to live vicariously through them and celebrate in their accomplishments.