Everyday is a new day. Thia week has been a little challenging. It’s so easy to take a step or two forward and then three steps back. Feeling sorry for myself is something I have to work daily to fight off. I’ve always had a pretty positive outlook regarding life. I was blessed and life came easy for me. I didn’t struggle with fertility, didn’t have hard pregnancies, There were hard times periodically same as anyone else’s life but I wouldn’t say I struggled with depression. I was able to look at the future and know whatever current situation we were in was temporary and it’d get better. I might have a few moments of “panic” but then I’d figure out a solution. My dads death was the hardest thing I had to deal with that wouldn’t “get better”. I struggled with that some but probably no more than the average person. Now I’m beginning to understand more about daily struggles. Every single day is a challenge. I understand why some people can be consumed by grief or let it take over their lives. It would be so easy to call in every day and sleep the day away.
It’d be easy to eat everything I wanted and stop exercising and just sit on the couch and read or watch tv. There are days I wonder why can’t I just do nothing. Life’s not fair, why do I have to struggle everyday to make it through when I could sit at home and do nothing. I know the answer. It’s the same now as it’s always been. That’s not who I am. One event will not break me. We’ve worked to hard to get where we are to give up now. So we might have to fight a little harder everyday to just be normal but that just proves how strong we can be. Our entire family was changed in a split second. While suicide survivors are what we are it will not define us. I will fight everyday to never give up.
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