One Day At A Time (from a few days ago)

Still working on that happiness.  We went camping this weekend with friends.  Took their boat out and did some catfishing.  These are things that make me happy.  Relaxing and being on the water.  Times like that can help you feel like your life is normal.  Which I guess it is normal now.  Coming back to reality is still the hardest part.  Walking into a house that's empty.  Since we board the dogs the house is always quiet and still when we get home.  Those first few minutes, even though we're busy unpacking, are still reminders of what isn't waiting for us at home.   There are no dirty dishes in the sink.  We come home, unpack and go on about our day.  Just us.

I'm the happiest when I'm outside.  That's why I hate winter because I can't handle cold weather and I can't stand being cooped up inside.  So being out on the water fishing makes for a great day whether we catch fish or not although I'm usually not quite as whiny if I'm catching fish. We're hoping to eventually get the dogs where they can go out on the boat with us.  We haven't attempted it yet and we'll probably have to try it one dog at a time.  Goober will probably be ok, he should stay in the boat.  Nash loves water so we'll have to watch him.  I could see him just walking off the side of the boat to get in the water.

In the next few weeks we have several birthdays.  Tyler is 22 on memorial day, Jimmie and Austin both have birthdays in June plus the wedding in June so it will make for a busy month.  There are still times that even thinking about happy things can bring me to tears in an instant.  Something made me think of grandkids and somehow just thinking about what the future might hold for us made me tear up.  It's the little things.  A song, a thought, a smell, any of these things can bring me to tears within seconds no matter how good my day may be going.  Then it takes some deep breaths and calm thoughts to get back to an even balance.  But it can zap your joy in seconds.  I don't know how long these times will last, or maybe they will last forever but these moments are now the hard spots.  We've found our new normal.  We're following our new routine.  It's the small bumps that you don't see coming that can send you spinning out of control in a heartbeat.  The memories on facebook today from last year, was my post about where we expected to be this time this year.  I took life for granted before.  I expected it to follow my plan.  I know it's not my plan that matters, it's His plan that will play out.  Just when you think you have everything figured out you realize you knew nothing.  We've spent 8 months rebuilding our lives one day at a time.  We'll continue going one day at a time for a little while longer.  At first it was second by second, then minute by minute, hour by hour.  I think we're to day by day now.  We're making progress.  We may not make progress everyday, sometimes we lose a little ground, but as long as we don't allow ourselves to be consumed by grief we will continue moving in the right direction.