Graduation Day

Today is a day I've looked forward to for 13 years.  Unless you've had a kid who has struggled to conform into a "normal" student in school.  Unless you spent countless hours in a principal or vice principals office and talking to teachers about how to help your child.  Making a plan  to best help your child make it through school, then you can't understand how much this day was looked forward to.  We talked about it often.  We just had to get to graduation.  3 more years and you graduate, 2 more years and you'll be done with school.  In May of last year we drove through the parking lot at the high school and Kaleb said, this time next year, it will be me getting ready to graduate.  And now he's gone, he never made it to that moment.

I'm trying so hard today to be positive about all his friends that are graduating and getting those diplomas.  I am proud of them and excited to see what their future holds, but in the same breath I'm heartbroken and I feel defeated that we didn't make it to this day together.  Graduation is their day to shine.  They officially enter the real world. We as parents also get a feeling of accomplishment.  Our children made it.  We did something right, they've got a diploma.  They have a solid foundation to build their future on.  I've been asked by several people if I'm going to graduation. No, I'm not.  I don't think I could make it through it.  I debated watching the streamed ceremony, but I don't think I can even do that.  I'm going to be proud of each member of this graduating class, but I've got to be fair to myself and hearing each name called would hurt a little more.  I'm learning sometimes you have to avoid things that cause you pain.

So to all my friends that have children graduating, I'm happy for you and so excited to see what the future holds for them.  To all of Kaleb's friends that are graduating, you've made it through a rough year and I'm proud of you.  To the rest of the senior class, go out and make a difference.  You all have received a great education from Van Buren to get you started in your adult life.  Find your calling, find a career that makes you happy and that you enjoy doing every day.  But most of all always know that you have people behind you doing their best to help you succeed.  They love you and they've sacrificed a lot to get you to this moment.  As you hear your name called and you walk across that stage/floor I  hope  you understand the importance of the piece of paper you are receiving.  That is your ticket to be able to accomplish anything you want in this world.  You're not a kid anymore.  Welcome to the real world.

To Kaleb, I love you and miss you with all my heart.  We'll visit you today and I'll straighten your graduation cap that is sitting atop your wreath at the foot of your grave instead of fixing it atop your head for tonight.  I'll bring you some flowers to decorate your headstone instead of as a gift for making it through.  Your graduation picture won't include your face but just your headstone.  So many things changed that day 8 months ago.  Your life ended and ours was forever changed.  We made it to this day, just not together.