36 Tuesdays

it's been 36 Tuesday's since we saw you. That's about how many Tuesday's we waited to meet you after we found out we were expecting. That's 8 1/2 months without hearing your voice. We're doing better now. Sometimes we make it through the day without crying. Sometimes we don't. Life is different now. Laughter doesn't come as easy. Life isn't as carefree. Each minute seems so much longer, each hour is like a day. We've passed so many firsts and yet still have more to come.  You're still on so many people's minds as they try to make sense of life. We talk about you often. I dreamed about you last night. You were playing in the front yard with Ryan as you were learning to do handstand push ups. Then we all went swimming and it seemed so real. The only thing that clued me in was the for sale sign in the yard. And the house we went to wasn't ours.

So much has changed in 8 short months yet so much is still the same. Our love for you has not faded even though your voice has. We never knew how strong we were until we had to go on without you. I can't understand the pain you were in that would cause you to leave but I know the pain I'm in now that you are gone. We all miss and love you and What I wouldn't do for one of your nasty sweaty hugs.  Maybe these are things we should have said aloud more often. Maybe you didn't understand how much you meant to us. Now all I can do is write them to you in words that you can't hear. What I wouldn't give to say them to your face but my job here isn't done.  I've got people here who need me.  You've drawn us all closer and given us a special bond.  It's not a bond we ever imagined we'd share but it's one we'll share together.  It takes all of us together to make it through without you. Each of us together helps us make it through the day.  We love you Kaleb. Happy 36 week "Angel"Versary. Hope you've learned to work those wings and learned the words to all the songs the Angel choir sings.