As the year starts to come to a close, We're doing better. We have our ups and downs. I believe we've found our new normal. I dread my Facebook memories in 14 days. I think I'll take a vacation from Facebook for at least a few days starting on the 15th of September. I have no urge to relive the nightmare from a year ago. I'm thinking about marking something positive off my bucket list on that day. Maybe that will be the day I try paddle boarding.
I've been thinking about why I do these blogs. Is it good for me or detrimental to my mental health? Does it prolong my grief, or help me handle it? Does it help anyone out there? It helps me put my thoughts into perspective. Like going to grief share helped me see that anything is possible. Life sucks sometimes but what you do afterwards decides if it will suck forever.
Honestly I use to feel guilty if someone saw me in public and I was laughing. Not anymore. I'm 43 years old. I've raised 3 children in my home. There have been good times and there have been hard times. We might not like the hand we were dealt but I'm going to make the most of my future. I will laugh, I will play, I will have fun. I will also cry, I will grieve and I will always have questions that will remain unanswered. With that I will also have our other children, dreams, plans and a future.
The anniversary of Kaleb's death just happens to fall during Suicide Prevention month. I will not celebrate the day of his death. But on that day I will work to spread suicide awareness. I will make a post on my personal Facebook page and on this blog page on the 15th to help spread suicide awareness. I ask that anyone who knows me or my family, knew Kaleb or of his story please share that post to help spread awareness of teenage suicide. Make sure you privacy setting for that post is public. Then if others choose to share your post others can see it. Maybe one less set of parents will lose a child. One less child will lose a sibling. One less teenager will lose a best friend. One less teacher will lose a student. One less child will become a statistic. By breaking the stigma regarding suicide it can be brought to peoples attention. They can learn it's ok to ask for help. It's not something to be hidden, or ashamed of. The pain and grief is hard. It hurts!
I saw a post on facebook a little while back of a college that placed backpacks on it's campus lawn to signify each student they had lost to suicide. Making it visual helps people understand. Those backpacks should be on the backs of a student, not laying on the ground. It helps you understand the number of young adults this impacts. I hope soon the number of backpacks being placed will begin to dwindle. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to to spread awareness.
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