Parent Shaming-Just Don't

So many headlines lately about "negligent" parents.  Parents who should be charged with a crime for not ensuring their child's safety.  It makes me thankful to be surrounded by good strong people.  I'd like to cover this from a grieving parent's side.  I lost my child to suicide.  It wasn't an accident as happened with the alligater but I'm sure there are people that think we could have done something different.  There are people who think we could have done better.  We could have got help for him.  We should have known he was suffering.  We shouldn't have owned guns or ever showed him gun safety.  My response to these people would be:  What do you think we think about every second of every day?  Do you not think we second guess everything we have ever done raising our boys?  I'm sure these parents have those same feelings.

Social Media has made the world a whole new place to raise children.  Whether it's the innocent picture of the worn out child sleeping in their carseat that the parent is shamed for having the chest clip to low or the straps to tight, the shoulder belt not properly placed, the wrong carseat for the size of the child, or they are forward facing versus rear facing.  The picture of the little kid taking his first bike ride all alone without training wheels that the parents are so proud of the accomplishment and they are going to be torn apart because he was in the road in front of his house, the helmet wasn't the right one for his age, or his bike seat was to low.  Everyone has an opinion, everyone can find something on the internet to back their opinions.  A lot say they were just trying to educate the parent. Let them enjoy their child. They think they could do it better.  It's not my place to judge.  There are truly parents out there that are negligent and abusive, but for the most part they aren't the ones posting these cute loving pictures or videos.

I can speak for the 40 something year old generation, we were raised before carseats were mandatory and before seatbelts were required.  When parents smoked in the cars with their kids with the windows up.  We rode on the tailgate of pickup trucks and rode our bikes without shoes.  We didn't all survive.  There were accidents.  And that's what they were, accidents.  It wasn't because our parents didn't love us, or because they didn't take care of us.  I know mine did because they let me have a childhood.  They let me fish on the side of the river where there might be a water moccasin.  They let me in our pasture where there were cows.  I rode my bike in the road without a helmet and slept with my bedroom window open.  It made me who I am today.  I have experiences to draw from.  It taught me common sense.  I learned that if you give  your perch to the snake it leaves you alone, don't run from cows, watch for other traffic and that wasps can get in screens if your window is up.  I also learned that if you don't wear your seatbelt and someone has to slam on the brakes it hurts, so maybe I'll wear my seatbelt.  That I hate cigarette smoke and I'll never smoke.  That if you hit a big bump in the truck you'll fly right off that tailgate so maybe I should hold on.  That if your foot slips off the pedal of your bike and you don't have on shoes you might just scrape off the end of your big toe, so now I wear shoes when I'm on a bike.

My opinion, You have to let your children learn from their mistakes.  You do everything you can to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe.  Mine were lectured regularly about why they shouldn't smoke.  They were in carseats from the time they came home from the hospital.  They learned why they have to look both ways to cross a street.  Right down to elevator etiquette and the proper way to exit and enter an elevator and trust me there is a right and a wrong way. But you know what when it came down to it there were times as they got into the teenage years where they pushed the boundaries and at times I let them make their own mistakes.  That's how they are going to learn.  I worked hard at being a good parent.  You know what, I still lost a child.  Not by an accident, but by something much worse, again,  in my opinion.  By his own hand.  I had a close relationship with my boys. Still do with the other 2.  I don't know what I could have done to protect him from himself.  Does it make me a negligent parent?  Does it mean I loved my children any less than someone else?  I'm thankful I didn't receive the negative publicity these other parents have because I can't imagine adding that burden on top of losing your child.

Let them be little.  Bad things sometimes happen to good people.  We need to come together as parents and build each other up instead of tearing each other down.  And trust me I'm guilty also.  I got a picture the other day and I almost messaged back to get his seatbelt on him right.  But you know what, he was loving what he was doing right then.  I don't know if they were stopped, or if he just moved the seatbelt over some for the picture so I chose not to respond because they are good parents and while it might not be what I would have done he was in a carseat with a seatbelt on.  The world isn't perfect.  I know people that have survived crashes only because they WEREN'T wearing their seatbelts.  So sometimes it pays to break the rules.  When it's your time, it's your time.  It won't matter how you are wearing your seatbelt, or if you were wearing shoes on that bike.  If you were walking in a foot of water, or walking beside the water on a beach.  It's life.  Sometimes even the happiest place in the world can be saddened by an accident.